[TW: rape] The following day, I attended a workshop about preventing gender violence, facilitated by Katz. There, he posed a question to all of the men in the room: “Men, what things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?”
Not one man, including myself, could quickly answer the question. Finally, one man raised his hand and said, “Nothing.” Then Katz asked the women, “What things do you do to protect yourself from being raped or sexually assaulted?” Nearly all of the women in the room raised their hand. One by one, each woman testified:
“I don’t make eye contact with men when I walk down the street,” said one.
“I don’t put my drink down at parties,” said another.
“I use the buddy system when I go to parties.”
“I cross the street when I see a group of guys walking in my direction.”
“I use my keys as a potential weapon.”
The women went on for several minutes, until their side of the blackboard was completely filled with responses. The men’s side of the blackboard was blank. I was stunned. I had never heard a group of women say these things before. I thought about all of the women in my life — including my mother, sister and girlfriend — and realized that I had a lot to learn about gender.
Just to throw in that predators are usually attracted to submission… so looking them IN the eyes confidently is actually the right thing to do. Then they know you’re not submissive, assume you will put up a fight and if anything does happen you can identify them better.
Most rapes are committed by people the victim knows, and very few are through abduction.
the problem is that men don’t like to hear the word “no.” so honesty is not the policy if they don’t think they’re gonna get what they want. this is especially true when it comes to sex.
and you can say “but this goes both ways!” but men paying for dinner and a movie and expecting sex and getting violent if they don’t get it is an epidemic not the other way around.
when if they had just straight up SAID they wanted sex/ wanted to hook up in the first place then nobody’s time would have been wasted.
but the men didn’t ASK before they threw a temper tantrum talmbout the girl is a “gold digger” and a “tease”! why? because they didn’t want to hear “no” instead they wanted to guilt the girl into having sex with them…
instead of out rightly looking for somebody who is into casual sex they wanted to guilt the specific woman THEY wanted who may not be interested in casual sex into doing what they want because they’re entitled men who feel a woman’s will should bend to their fancy.
that’s why i have no problem turning down “nice guys” because nice guys are the ultimate manipulators. and that is nothing but under-handed misogyny.
bold is mine. That paragraph is why these Nice Guys are such manipulative douchebags..There is nothing wrong with having casual sex with a willing partner, but they ACTIVELY seek out women who might not want that. Because they’re entitled fuckers.
Gail Dines, Pornland: How Porn Has Hijacked Our Sexuality
I think the most chilling part of this book is reading what average porn consumers and what men in the porn industry say. It’s not that I already didn’t know that they think this, but it’s jarring to hear it confirmed
Hi, Santa? I need this book. Thank you.
I’m only about halfway through, but it’s a really amazing book, however chilling to read at times. I definitely recommend it.
this is why the rare moments i watch porn, it is non-hetero
I’m actually reading this book now. I couldn’t even make it through the introduction without my misandry gaining at least three more levels.
This question irks the living firey pits of hell blazes out of me. You should respect her because she is a human. No one has been gifted with the ability to tell whether or not a person respects themselves. You do not get to dictate what someone’s level of insecurity is. And even if someone does have low self esteem and it manifests itself in their masochistic tendencies, why do you feel like it is okay for you to affirm their denigrating feelings about themselves by making the conscious choice to disrespect them???
People need to stop rationalizing disrespect. We need to just shut the fuck up and be good people and stop making excuses. Someone’s self image shouldn’t affect your behavior toward them. We really should have the opposite instinct to offer support, care and respect to those we feel are lacking it.
P.S. I see men making this argument most frequently and have found that women have internalized this thought process. We all need to do some critical thinking
The bolded especially. It’s a bullshit excuse to say that you only respect people (usually women) who respect themselves to begin with since it’s generally using someone’s sex life or relationships to say they aren’t worthy of respect, and it’s usually aimed at women.
Here it is, an ACTUAL LETTER WRITTEN BY A FETUS.
So, after the fetus, unable to penetrate through its mothers skin, due to the fact that it can’t do anything, has no consciousness, and really has no basic abilities that are unique to anything but a rock, I decided to give the paper and pencil to the pregnant person.
They proceed to throw the pencil at my face and scream at me to get out. There you have it, ladies and gents. ABERTION IS WRAHNG.
I recently saw a post about a NASCAR guy (Kasey Khane) who, from what I gathered, considers public breast feeding “gross,” or at the very bare minimum, a huge shock. Upon further investigation, and by investigation, I mean that I shimmied on over to his Facebook page to get a look at what people where saying about it, I found that an overwhelming number of people (shockingly enough) agreed! And what’s more, those who didn’t totally “agree” were apologetic! As in “Oh, he’s a guy that doesn’t have kids, of course it would shock him!” or “Well, if someone just whipped out their boob in public, wouldn’t YOU be surprised?”
This has lead me to some conclusions, all of which I have been aware of, but just now have come together in a big ball of understanding.
1: A woman’s breast is still considered a sexual item for men to enjoy, and if it is not being used for male pleasure, it is a taboo.
Which strikes me as odd, considering that the most basic function of the female breast, is, well, for the nourishment of the human child. That isn’t saying, however, that breasts cannot bring about a plethora of pleasure, both for men and for women, but when a breast is being used specifically for the feeding of the child, it is not a sexual item, it is a functional and nourishing item.
The fact of the matter is, people (namely men) do not want to see a breast because a breast is no longer looked at as a way to feed a baby; it is looked at as an item of pleasure, and pleasure only. The fact that you can walk through a store with an ample amount of cleavage showing with hardly any complaints about the amount of skin exposed (and please do not interpret this as shaming the clothes people wear; I am merely making a point) and yet a woman can’t walk through the store going about her business feeding her child without someone being offended says a lot about society and the way that it continues to objectify the female form.
2: People in general think that breast feeding is “gross,” or “weird.”
Which is another point that again, baffles me. Why? Because breastfeeding is the most natural and healthy thing for a human baby. People should be happy a woman is choosing to nurse in a natural way, not shaming her. And I have to ask, what’s “gross” about it? What, that a mouth and breast or involved? Or perhaps people are just uncomfortable with the exposure of a breast when it’s not for a sexual reason (see above point.)
3: People are still shy about exposing some skin. (Or being exposed to skin.)
Of the comments that I read on Kasey Kahne’s page, the ones that were interesting and infuriating were the ones that went along the lines of “I don’t care is a woman breast feeds, but she needs to cover up or go to a bathroom or something. I don’t wanna see all… THAT!”
1: I would like to ask this person if they would also like to begin to eat their meals when in public in bathrooms, and if they feel that that is the most sanitary place for one to consume food, especially one such as an infant, whose immune system is not as strong an adults’.
2: No one is asking you to stare at a breast feeding woman; in fact one might say that a woman would probably not want to be gawked at while feeding her child. If the sight of breast feeding is uncomfortable, or offensive to you, you can always remove yourself from the situation, or avert your gaze to something more enjoyable for yourself.
3: Not every child likes to have their face covered. From what I read in the comments made on Kasey Khane’s page, babies who are breast fed do not always cooperate when a blanket is over their head. To people who suggest this, I would suggest to them placing some sort obstruction over their heads or in front of their faces while trying to eat, so that they can get a grasp on what they’re asking of other people.
This point (as much like the one before it) ties in nicely with the first, and helps to further explain it: People are afraid of the human form and its most intimate functions. Which leads to:
4: People are afraid of the human form and its most intimate functions.
You often hear, when talking about public breast feeding and why it is no big deal, people say “what about the children!?” This is a common phrase when talking about sex and sex education becoming comprehensive in schools: “Well what about precious Mary’s little mind!?”
The fact is, people are afraid of the human form. They shy away from nudity when it is public, and they shy away from sex when it is not behind the closed doors of a married couple. In both instances, they use the guise that by exposing “the children!” to something as “obscene” and “mature” as a nude breast, that the child will somehow become some sort of corrupt deviant. Or, even worse, they might start to ask about *gasp* sex!
I don’t know about you, but this is a problem. Children are curious, they will ask questions, questions that shouldn’t make people uncomfortable, but do. Apparently, children being curious about a breast feeding child is something to cause alarm.
And let’s face it people, if a person can’t maturely talk to a curious child about breast feeding, then how are they to talk about more serious topics, like safe sex?
You see my point. By sheltering children under the assumption that seeing breast feeding in public is something that is “not for young eyes,” you breed more people with that same ideal, who breed more, who breed more. And you see that we are back at square one, trying to prove to people that breast feeding is natural, and that children shouldn’t be hidden from it, and that adults shouldn’t be doing the hiding.
You see the same cycle when talking about informing young minds about sex.
5: People assume that you can feed a breast fed child in public without a boob.
I’m of course referring to “breast pumps.” But, in reading up on experiences that women who breast fed have had, apparently not all breast fed babies take to bottles, even if that bottle has mother’s milk. If a baby won’t feed from a bottle, then where else is it going to feed from?
Mom’s boobs. Which of course, we’re already very well aware of the fact that for some reason, people have a problem with this.
Baby’s unwillingness to cooperate aside, let’s talk about breast pumps themselves. How much do they cost?
- Electronic Breast Pumps: Can get well into the hundreds.
- Manual Breast Pumps: Are cheaper in the $30-$100 range.
- Breast Pump Accessories: Range from $5-$100 dollars.
These are just prices for breast pumps and accessories from the Babies R Us website, though I’m sure that on wider research, as well as brand name consideration, differing prices and functions of products can be found. That being said, the most expensive breast pump that I saw was over three hundred dollars. Even if a mother decided to go for a cheaper one, why should she HAVE to buy one? Why should she HAVE to inconvenience herself out of X amount of money to make onlookers comfortable?
Simple, she shouldn’t have to. Of course, if a person WANTS to purchase a breast pump, then that is ok as well. As long as it’s because it’s what the person wants, not because they feel pressured to do so.
As a whole, I feel that breast feeding has grown into something that is a bigger monster then just “breast feeding is gross.” It stems from society’s view of what a woman should and should expose, when and where she exposes it, and to whom she exposes it. The stigma also steams from the general shyness towards sex, sexuality, nudity, and the human form and it’s functions for sex and reproduction. People are afraid. They are afraid when a woman is empowered enough to show her breast in public. They are afraid of allowing the female form to be exposed for purposes other then for sexual gratification while also simultaneously wanting it to be hidden. They are afraid of women saying “Hey, fuck this. This is my breast, and my child, and if society cannot respect that, then fuck them.”
In short, they are afraid to free the female body and its uses from the rigid constraints that they have placed on it, and on what women wish to do with it
Well fuck that. I say: FREE THE BOOB.
OP already made a separate post apologizing for the cis-centric nature of this post, but for anyone who doesn’t see it: obviously people other than women can and do breast feed their children, and the stigma attached to nursing in public affects them as well.